The Confederacy of the Humbled

Well, it's been awhile, has it not, dear reader?  Nearly 6 months, if memory serves.  You may rightly ask "Have you been too busy to write?"  And I would say to you... yes, and no.  I certainly have had time to post something, but have honestly been trying to absorb my circumstances here - and that has kept me mentally and emotionally busy, such that what there was to say... wasn't clear.

Not that it's that much clearer now, but I am marking a sort of milestone - six months on the job - and as most of you know it's about the time when the learning curve has started to flatten and you have begun to understand things.  Life in the workplace was pretty stressful in those first 6 months, not to mention the personal life part and its stressors.

When I was contemplating taking this role, the head of the organization said "Give it 6 months; you'll know."  So we agreed to review things in 6 months on a weekend away with my wife of 42+ years, the ever-captivating Diane.  It's coming up in a couple days now, and we will examine how the last 6 months have gone. This first 6 months living apart has been both difficult and encouraging.  On this weekend away, we will try to ferret out what has gone well, what needs to change, what is critical, and what we can live with.  I expect that the weekend will result in a proposal for my boss (and his).  May God grant acceptance of whatever we put forward.

One of the things that has characterized my last 6 months has been study and reflection on how God works in my life through circumstances.  I have time to read, and long for fellowship outside the four walls of this 585 S.F. apartment.  So I have wasted less time while here, and have invested time in reading and in group Bible studies which get me up and out, away from the internet and cable.  (Oh, and I don't actually have cable here.  Internet, yes, but I use a digital antenna, and subscribe to Hulu and Netflix via a Roku device.  Much less expensive and a lot more hipster.  :)

In my reading time, I have been enjoying a book that the Missus has recommended from her book club - A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles.  Delightful!  There are several favorite quotes that I have marked but perhaps the most personal and profound is this one, about something he calls the Confederacy of the Humbled (of which I am a lifetime member, regularly reinforced by circumstance.)

[... ] the Confederacy of the Humbled is a close-knit brotherhood whose members travel with no outward markings, but who know each other at a glance. For having fallen suddenly from grace, those in the Confederacy share a certain perspective. Knowing beauty, influence, fame, and privilege to be borrowed rather than bestowed, they are not easily impressed. They are not quick to envy or take offense. They certainly do not scour the papers in search of their own names. They remain committed to living among their peers, but they greet adulation with caution, ambition with sympathy, and condecension with an inward smile.

That, dear reader, is right on the money.  Would that each of us could learn this lesson early and often.  I understand now how valuable humility is and how unreliable human affirmation can be.  There is a verse to an old hymn that I go back to often to remind myself that human approval is fickle; it is God's approval that matters, no one else's.  It goes like this:

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art

So as I continue in a less than desirable situation, trying hard to make the best of it, to find the silver lining in it, I will embrace the humbling & look to God for comfort.

12 Days On

... in my new job.  The "drinking from the fire hose" part is past now and I believe I am absorbing things.  My boss has passed a few things my way to own (with careful supervision, of course) by way of a couple of projects to lead and a couple of regular reports to create, and I'm already out of things to do.  I'm at a hard stop while I wait for him to answer questions and provide feedback.  So in an effort to keep me busy while he figures out what to give me next, he is going to sign me up for on-line training for a professional credential.

This is one of the issues with reporting to a high-ranking executive.  He's busy!  As he passes me things to take off his plate, he will become less busy, but to pass me things requires that he take time which he doesn't have to show me what he wants done.  Classic Catch-22 scenario.

In other news, it's much snowier up here.  Daily brushing & scraping of the car windows is required.  Fortunately by mid-February I will be in an apartment with underground parking.  Yay!  But until then I scrape. 

The Hamburger Helper routine is going well.  One batch makes two dinners, alternating with pre-cooked sausages (brats, cheddarwurst) on the off days. Maybe I should branch out into frozen pizza...  Of course there is a side salad, maybe some cottage cheese as well.  All to be able to enjoy eating ice cream right out of the container at night while watching the local news & weather.  Mint chip.

Breakfast is a rotation of 1) gruel (steel cut oats, chia seeds, frozen fruit steeped in almond milk & plain yogurt overnight), 2) grits and a protein shake, and 3) eggs & toast.

Subway is my destination after work, to pick up their daily footlong for lunch the next day.  On the weekends, it's Chunky soups or ham & cheese on multi-grain.  When I get into the new place, I will be able to walk to work and walk home for lunch, so Chunky soups every day!  Woo.

I have to say, thank God for video calling (Google Duo).  I thought I'd hate it as I don't like phone calls very much.  But it's a Godsend, literally.  We couldn't have done this 10 years ago, but with that technology, the 7 hour drive separation is bearable.  I think we actually talk more now than we did when I was at home.  :)

Oh, and I guess I failed to state that since my last post, we did decide to try to finagle keeping the house in Des Moines.  It's an experiment, that's for sure.

And that's the news from up north.

Chapters of Life

For a long time I've been fiddling with a concept of how the various stages of life commonly break down into 12 periods of seven years each.  

Each period corresponds to a particular month of the year, beginning March 1 (when we begin expecting new life to emerge from the dead ground), and ending on February 28 (the end of winter and the shortest, coldest month of the year).  

Those months also cluster into quarters of three months each, which also correspond to a larger phase of life.  A couple of days ago, I assigned verbs to the months and quarters which to me characterize the main activity of those periods.  

Finally today I put together a diagram which portrays those periods of life as books on a bookshelf.  I would imagine that selecting a couple of key stories about your life from each of those periods would produce a pretty good autobiography.  

Hm.  Maybe I'll do that.  After all, by next Autumn I'll be heading into the "concluding" period, and shortly after that comes a period of sharing with others what you've learned in life.  If I can commit to writing the first 9 periods now, then the last quarter should be easy to put a pen to, even for someone who is nearing the end of the journey, about to fill up the bookshelf.  :)

Leaving what you love

As my job search continues, the several options I had been exploring (and some, interviewing for) have started to fall off the radar screen.  Right now I am down to two, both fairly assured that I may get an offer soon.  Neither are in Des Moines.  It's looking more and more like I will have to move.  On one of the jobs, Diane and I are now starting to consider how I might move, but finagle keeping our home where it is, so as to retire in it in 4 years, but still see each other regularly.  On the other job, that would not be possible, so I am wondering if we could get Jimmy to consider also moving there, so he could be near us like he is here.

Earlier this week, I found myself standing at the top of the staircase to the lower level and nearly began to cry.  I had an overwhelming feeling of loss, saying to myself "I don't want to leave here."  For a guy who's moved around as much as I have, it feels strange to have such a strong attachment to a place.  I don't know what to make of it.

Amnesia

poem by William Wordsworth, Intimations of Immortality

What though the radiance which was once so bright 

Be now for ever taken from my sight, 

Though nothing can bring back the hour 

Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower; 

We will grieve not, rather find 

Strength in what remains behind; 

In the primal sympathy 

Which having been must ever be; 

In the soothing thoughts that spring 

Out of human suffering; 

In the faith that looks through death, 

In years that bring the philosophic mind. 

The Vine and the Branches - John 15

John 15 contains a brilliant analogy for the relationship between God the Father, Jesus the Messiah, and the Church and its believers.  The first 5 verses get us started and should be very familiar:

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."  ----- ESV

In most versions of the Bible, there is an unfortunate translation choice that confuses the analogy, and that is the use of "he takes away" in verse 2.  An equally proper, and I think better, translation of that Greek word (airei) is "he lifts up".  If we are going to apply Jesus' analogy to our lives, let's at least do it correctly, understanding fully the context.  That same Greek word is used in Acts chapter 1 to describe Jesus' ascension into Heaven.  When Jesus was lifted up into Heaven, we surely wouldn't refer to Jesus as being "cut off" or "taken away" with a connotation of judgement. Yet that is what conventional interpretations often do.

This article from a vineyard owner really says it well.  The gardener "lifts up" any branches that trail along the ground, and ties them on to the support structure so that they grow upward.  They are pruned as well, of course, but there's no pruning until they've been tied on and trained to go upward.

Also, the word for "prunes" in verse 2 is also the same Greek word (katharoi) as for "clean" in verse 3.  Those two verses should be translated using the same word (and I think pruned is the better word for both verses).

Later, when the analogy shifts to cutting off branches that are no longer abiding in the vine, and bundling them up to be burned, it's a very appropriate translation.  If a branch breaks off at the trunk, or at the cordon (arm), it loses its connection to the vine and becomes dead.  Nothing for it at that point than to be burned up.  But there's no cutting off and burning for a branch that is trailing along the ground.  Instead, it gets the Vinedressers loving attention; he tends to it in such a way as to help it to grow properly, and produce good fruit.

Falling Upward

During this process of evaluating how to approach the next few years - retire, work part-time, work full-time (same industry or a new one) - I have found myself thinking about what's truly important to attend to in the remainder of my life here on this planet.

(Ha.  That reminds me of listening to an old Larry Norman album I owned with the title: Only Visiting This Planet.  True that, Larry.)

In a recent visit with my pastor in which we compared notes on self-examination, he recommended to me the book "Falling Upward" by Richard Rohr.  In it, Rohr posits that there are two halves to life, the one in which we discover and form ourselves into a unique container called "who I am", and the one in which we make the best use of that container and contents to accomplish that which we were set on earth to do.

Seems to me that right now is an excellent time to think about that idea, settle on a definition of self and on a second-half-of-life mission, and then lay out a plan to execute that mission.

Okay then.

Let's begin.