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First of all, thank you all for being here to remember Diane along with me, to celebrate her life. What a blessing she was to so many! It lifts my heart to see you here, those who knew her and cared about her, as she did about you.
Encouraging. Generous. Hospitable. Kind. A mentor. A friend. An example of what genuine godliness looks like in real life.
Words from an obituary. Very true, but hardly adequate.
She coaxed beauty from the earth in her gardens. She expressed her joy in life tangibly in dancing. She loved spending "quality time" (her love language) with her dearly loved husband. She kept up vibrant relationships with her grown children and extended family. She opened the truths of the Bible to other women in small group studies. She read and discussed literature with like-minded women in book clubs. She took young couples through premarital counseling beside her husband. She used her gift of organization to bring order to disorder in every environment she encountered. She gave of herself routinely and freely whenever there was a need she could meet, even including organ donation at death.
More words from an obituary. Better, but still insufficient.
As I thought about how best to describe the person I referred to as “the ever-captivating Diane”, what stood out to me most was her life of faith – how she lived out her commitment to following Jesus and becoming more like Him over time. Since this life of faith, her daily walk with Jesus, was so integral to who she was, I thought – what better way to tell of her than to tell about her journey of faith, from the beginning, the way she told it to me, and the way I watched it unfold as I walked alongside her over the last 50 years. Our faith stories are intimately linked and thoroughly overlap; I know hers as well as I know my own!
And so… I’ll tell you! Using her words as best as I can recall them.
When Diane was a senior in high school in Wausau, Wisconsin, somewhere around winter break, she and a boyfriend broke up. In an attempt to lift her spirits, a girlfriend of hers invited her to come with her to a “winter camp weekend” that her church was sponsoring. She suggested to Diane that it would be a chance to maybe meet some boys there and take her mind off the breakup. Diane took her up on it and off they went.
Naturally, the camp had some religious content and spiritual songs around the campfire, etc. But when you picture in your mind a cabin full of teenaged girls after dinner, you can imagine them staying up all night talking, which is what Diane expected, too. But no! Not that evening. All the girls in her cabin, including the girlfriend she came with, went sound asleep! She wound up being the only one still awake. As she sat there thinking about the day and what she’d heard, her thoughts turned toward God. And at that point, involuntarily, her arms began to lift and her hands raised in a posture of worship, which she had never done before, and was not sure why it was happening at all! While she was puzzling over this, God spoke to her, clear as day.
He said: “Diane, you have a choice to make. Will you choose Me, or will you choose the world?” Her response was: “Well, of course, Lord, I choose You!” And that was it. She made her choice, she responded to God’s call. For the rest of the weekend, then, she told me that she “saw the cross everywhere”. Of course, it was a Christian camp so there would be some crosses, but more than that – from shadows on the wall of a building to tree limbs in a cross formation – the cross was clear and obvious to her; it was confirmation of her calling by God.
But back in Wausau, the next few weeks were a mystery. She kept asking God what was next, to show her what had happened to her and what He wanted from her. The call was real, but there must be more to it than just that one experience. What now, Lord? Show me more!
At this same time, I was in Wausau, going to a community college there and working on my Associate’s Degree. Two years prior, in winter of 1972, I had an experience of being called by God as well, to change my life’s direction and follow Jesus. At my school, God had drawn together several Christian students who had an interest in music, particularly this new “Jesus music” that was going around. If you’ve seen the movie “The Jesus Revolution”, I was smack in the middle of it – just not in Southern California, but in northern Wisconsin.
These college kids and I had formed a band around this newly emerging contemporary Christian music, and encouraged each other’s faith in the process. We began to meet for Bible study and music rehearsals. Now in the city of Wausau, there were a number of traditional churches and we decided to help them develop their contemporary service or guitar service. We would come in as a group and lead that service singing a lot of the songs that were becoming more popular in the Jesus movement in the early ‘70s. We would play and sing, teach these songs to the youth and then local leadership in that church would take over from there. We would just help them get started. It was a joy to do that, to introduce the youth to the music that we really enjoyed, that helped us express our faith, and to encourage their local pastoral staff to support this kind of a service. We usually rehearsed on a Wednesday night for an upcoming Sunday service.
Around Valentine’s Day in 1974, we were down in the basement of the First Presbyterian Church of Wausau running through our songs for that Sunday. When we took a break, I stayed behind at the piano working on some chords, when a girl walked in, asking about the music we were playing. She had been sitting upstairs praying because just a few weeks earlier she also had an experience of coming to faith in Christ, like I had had two years before, and didn’t know what to do next, wanting to learn more about being a Jesus-follower. This happened to be her family’s home church, where she was in youth group and choir. She had been there for one of those groups’ meetings, and stayed after, praying to God for direction, asking Him to show her what to do next with this new call on her life. Then she heard music coming up from the basement. Music like “I am the resurrection and the life, he who believes in me shall never die”.
When she went to investigate, she found me there at the piano and we began to talk. She had so many questions: What is this music? Who are you guys? Why are you here? Do you follow Jesus? How did He call you? Wow. These were questions that I could actually help answer! She had to go home, then, since it was a school night, but we met again on Sunday morning as my group was finishing up the guitar service and she was ready to process in with the choir, robes and all. I asked her out and we began to date. On our first date, she came scooting out of the house to my car, and before we went anywhere I asked her to pray with me. She agreed, but then asked herself “what kind of boy does this? Not any that I’ve ever met!” But that set the tone for our relationship; she then sometimes came along to Bible studies and church with this group of Christ-following students, who were helping each other become stronger in our faith. She soaked up like a dry sponge all that my bandmates and I had learned from the Bible about following Jesus.
Diane was a senior in high school at the time and eager to discover God’s direction for her life. For the next several months we continued growing closer to God and each other. That June she graduated from high school, and I graduated from the community college. At that point, we really felt very positively about the relationship that we were creating, because we knew it was founded on our common faith in Jesus, our desire to follow Him. But what was next? Our parents both had plans for us which loomed large.
I was being encouraged by my mom to consider going into the ministry. She wanted me to go down to Oral Roberts University in Tulsa, OK for a year, take some Bible classes, maybe take some music classes and see if I was sensing a call to the Ministry, perhaps even music ministry, maybe to become the next Richard Roberts. Mom! And so, they arranged to have me go down to Tulsa in the fall.
Diane's parents had strong expectations that she was going to go to college as she was quite bright and had great prospects. They had arranged to have her go to Hope College in Holland, MI in the fall. Now we both face this dilemma of being very fond of one another and yet our parents had these expectations that we were going to go off to college somewhere quite far apart.
So what did we do? Well, we were obedient children. We went. And what did we learn off at college? That we were completely miserable! We wanted to be together. Why should we go to college when what we really want to do is get married? Why wait? God had put us together. I had a degree, I could start work. So, when we both came home at Christmas break, we became engaged - to everybody’s chagrin! This prompted a very interesting series of discussions with both of our sets of parents. Eventually they saw that we were determined, and convinced that if we were going to marry we should do it quickly.
We both found work to put a little money aside in advance of our wedding, and were married in June of 1975. I bought her rings on credit and paid them off with a job at a clothing store. Then I sold my car to pay for our honeymoon but… by then I had gotten my first full-time job, which came with a company car, praise the Lord!
We packed up what belongings we had and moved to Freeport, Illinois, which is probably the best thing that we could have done because we were far enough away from family that we couldn't run home to them when any little thing went sideways, we had to rely on each other. When we married, I was 19, she was 18; it was a true teenage wedding. In fact, we adopted a theme song, one called “Too Young”, as sung by Nat King Cole.
They tried to tell us we’re too young.
Too young to really be in love.
They say that love’s a word – a word we’ve only heard
And can’t begin to know the meaning of.
And yet, we’re not too young to know
This love will last, though years may go.
And then, someday, they may recall…
That we were not too young at all.
And we weren’t too young! Yes, we were optimistic, and oh so earnest! But we also shared a common commitment to Christ, a desire to jointly follow Him. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says: though one may be overwhelmed, two can resist. Moreover, a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Jesus was, for us, that third strand in the cord that was our marriage. He held us together during the most difficult of times. Yes, we were young, but really, we finished growing up together, physically, emotionally, and … spiritually. We truly became “one flesh”.
In our wedding ceremony we had a song from West Side Story: One Hand, One Heart.
Make of our hands one hand.
Make of our hearts one heart. Now it begins, now it starts –
one hand, one heart. Only death can part us now.
And so it has – parted us. We met in winter of 1974 and parted in winter of 2024. Our favorite photo from our wedding is the one that graces the cover of our wedding album – our left hands crossed, hers over mine, with our rings prominent. We recreated that image each year on our anniversary, our hands looking older and more gnarled as the years went on, but the wish to be one hand, one heart, was still prominent. And those rings now, while no longer on our hands, will stay together here for however much time I have left on this earth.
Since we met we spent the last five decades together, continuing our walk in Christ, continuing to learn what it means to be a follower of Jesus, continuing to be transformed by Him - each in our separate ways - but together. That common faith has been the key foundation on which our relationship was built; God has honored that faith and strengthened us, even through difficult times. And there were several.
I watched Diane’s faith grow and deepen, both through service and through trial. In those early years particularly, God gave us many opportunities to serve others, primarily within the church, and in the process learn how He had wired us and gifted us for certain kinds of service that also tended to persist over the years. In our first few years of marriage, we went to smaller churches which depended on volunteers to keep things going. Diane became well-versed in hospitality, administration, and in developing, leading and facilitating women’s ministries.
As we served, our skills and giftedness developed, as did our confidence in using them, although at times it sure felt like we had just dived into the deep end of the pool and were learning to swim as we went along. But, there was a joy in serving, and seeing God work with what little we had to offer Him. We were blessed in the serving, and grew with it. It was here that Diane’s love for the Lord and knowledge of His Word grew deeper and deeper, as did her heart for encouraging and befriending other women.
Her favorite book to read (which she did annually), and from which to teach was Dee Breslin’s “Friendships of Women”. The concepts in there guided the development of her ministry to women for decades. She loved to come alongside women and help point them to the God she loved and served, as well as to expand their vision of Him. Another favorite of hers was Kay Arthur’s “Lord, I Want to Know You”, a study on the many names and titles of God in both the Old and New Testaments. In recent years, she took that and many other books on the subject and developed summer Bible study classes for women, often on summer nights in her garden, that expounded on who God is, and who Jesus is, using His names and titles as well. She loved to elevate women’s image of Almighty God and help them to appreciate more deeply the life of Jesus and how He showed us what it looked like for God to take on human flesh for a time and dwell among us, full of grace and truth.
As she served the Lord in these ways, her trust in God deepened and grew stronger and more certain. But it was not just in service to God that her trust deepened. It was through trial and crisis as well. Many times that trial was in disruption of that service to God though moving. Often, it seemed like just when we were being most fruitful in God’s service, some disruption would occur, usually in my career, and it would result in a move to some other state and city. Many times, when facing such a move, we would ask God “Why now? Aren’t we doing what You’ve asked us to do here?” Only in hindsight did we begin to see that God, again, had other plans for us – plans that would cause us to grow and develop, learning new areas of service, refining our character, deepening our faith. Over time, James 1 verses 2-4 began to make more sense:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Friends and family, it is hard right now in the midst of this time of trial and grief, to consider it as joy. But I am preaching these verses to myself daily in the sure knowledge that joy will come. Otherwise, what would it mean when Jesus said in John 15:11:
These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.
As I’ve said to some of you already, I am placing this promise on the asset side of my ledger (Diane the accountant would appreciate that) as an accounts receivable from God Himself. And I know He’s good for it. Joy will come. I am trusting that God will be who He says he is, and will do what He says He will do. I trust what Psalm 34:18 says that:
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
I believe that God indeed listens to the prayers of His people and rescues them when they cry to Him. I am trusting that He is the God of all comfort and that the peace that only He gives is far beyond our understanding and will guard our hearts and minds. In the midst of this crisis and suffering, I am trusting God. Will you trust Him, too?
As we moved from place to place, Diane would faithfully go into what garden space there was available, and work the soil, clear the weeds, settle plants in the beds and draw beauty from the earth. So often she would only see two or three seasons of the results before we would move again, but from one home to the next, she put in the effort, and trusted God that the next woman to inhabit that place would benefit from her tending the garden. It has been a true blessing for me that we have been able to stay in this latest home for over a decade and she could finally see this last season the fruit of her labors come to maturity. The boundaries of her garden were finally set with proper edging, her plants were moved to good spots, and she was satisfied. And in her honor, thanks to Allegra’s foresight, we are mapping her garden with what plants live where, when they come up, and what care they need to thrive. This way, Diane’s labors of love in the garden will bring forth beauty year after year, and we will be thankful for it.
When Diane went through trials, from disruption of home and garden, to struggles and uncertainty in her husband’s career, in several major surgeries on her body, and especially in working through the pain of our infertility, she went to the promises of God in the Bible, and clung to Him during those times. Truly, it is not when times are good and life is easy that faith is much required. It is in the midst of crisis, hurt and struggle that faith in God is called on, trust in Him is summoned to help, and both are exercised and grow deeper and stronger. And I saw that in Diane as we went through hardship together. She was an example of a rock-solid unwavering trust in God.
As we faced emergency surgery for her and then later all sorts of fertility testing for both of us, various treatments and procedures, eventually realizing we needed to come to grips with it, she studied the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel and Hannah’s aching pleas before Almighty God that He would take away her barrenness. She read of God’s favor, comfort and eventual blessing on Hannah, and her trust deepened. She committed Scripture to memory, such as Ephesians 3:20-21:
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or [even] imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
She believed God would be who He says He is, and trusted that He would do what He says He will do. That is faith. And then, when God answered our prayers for children, those very ones right here, she rejoiced in God’s Word yet again, in Psalm 113:9, and claimed this as her very own promise from God:
He settles the barren woman in her home as a joyful mother to her children. Hallelujah!
Hallelujah is right! She saw her trust in God prove right – again. She was a woman of faith because God proved to her over and over that He would sustain her through trial. She trusted God at every turn in the road, at every obstacle to get past, in every valley of suffering. It was my great privilege to walk beside her through the last 50 years, to watch her emerge from the Refiner’s fire as radiant, pure gold. I can truly say that Proverbs 31 describes Diane when it says:
She was a wife of noble character - worth far more than rubies. Her husband had full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brought him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She was clothed with strength and dignity; she could laugh at the days to come. She spoke with wisdom, and faithful instruction was on her tongue. She watched over the affairs of her household and did not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. And so we honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise.
She trusted God at all times and in all circumstances. Will you trust God, too, like she did, at every turn in life’s road? Will you trust God like I am, from the depth of pain and loss? Will you trust God from where you are? If you do, tell Him so. And He will lift you up. From whatever place of pain or trial or suffering or loss you are facing – trust in God, and He will lift you up. He did so for Diane; He is doing so for me now. And if you trust Him, He will do the same for you.
